Faith & Dope

Christ hangs upon a tree

I refuse to bend my knee

Stubborn

We'll never be free

From brutality

Our mentality is dead

We've become what we dread

We are the living dead

Wounded at the head

Searching for hope

While quietly taking dope

We hang our prayers

Upon a faithless rope.

Salty Tears

Shadows stock me

Watching me

Preying on my every need

Bringing me to my knees

I search for substance

While in a trance

I fill an empty glass

With tears not my own.

A Rainbow of Color

Drowning in blood

Overtaken by a flood

Of color:

Red is what I see in you

Blue is what I find in me

Yellow is who I want to be

Green with envy

I forget to pray

I forget to say

Thank you God

For this day.

A Story You Haven't Read

Waking up at 5am

Finding broken dreams

Empty bottles of wine

Time is time

Moving to the rhythm in my mind

I commit a crime

I toss a dime to the beggar

Sleeping in my mind

Drunk

Intoxicated by sin

Humanity is dead

Seeing red

Flipping through a magazine

Here's a story of your life

You haven't read.

Beyond the Lea

Black inside

Dark am I

Without eyes

Without a sky

Alone

Pondering life

What is right?

What is wrong?

I can hear the song

Playing within

My voice muffled by the wind

I hear the end approaching

I see apocalypse dawning

Gazing beyond the sea

Everyone is bowing

On bended knee.

Letter to the Church

The world is calling, whom will you serve? Godless men in positions of power, whom will you serve? Celebrities have enveloped the american psyche, Satan has raided our inundated modern minds. We tend to focus upon the lives of others, rather than our own. I speak to Christians, to those who profess to be followers of the living God. In Christ I stand, to my brothers & sisters in Christ I write to you what is besides the obvious. I have observed what is keen, if we are the ambassadors of Christ we must remain holy, separate, different from those of this world; for this world is not our home. Our home resides within the wounds of Christ. If we preach God's word than we must speak with authority, not timidity; we mustn't give the slightest inkling that we are unsure of ourselves or afraid of what others will say or think. We mustn't revert back into preaching God's word as being nothing more than good advice, we must preach as though our very lives depend on it. Breaking the callousness of overtly rebellious & darkened people who have received watered down versions of the gospel. Those who preach without authority, whose voices quake in timidity are afraid of driving their congregations out the door. If a supposed man of God is fearful of driving people away, than he should step-down from his position in the church & offer it to one who isn't afraid of stepping on a few toes & ruffling a few feather. For too long has the church been preaching a socially acceptable gospel, that is no good news at all, for all who hear it transgress back into their sins. It would be far better if they had never learned the truth than to have learned about the truth & have forsaken it; I say this to our shame. I too am guilty of suppressing the gift God has given me, which is the gift of conviction.

Ice Heart

When winter comes my heart become cold. Why can't I find my way out of these winter snow storms? Sometimes I feel so shy & yet so bold. When winter comes I breathe deep the icy breath of sleep. Unsure of who I am, I fall upon my knees in search of life beneath the snow. Frightened by what I've unearthed, yet scientifically intrigued. Discovering myself frozen beneath the snow. Given over to cryogenics--I've become an icy hearted thing.

Epiphany

I've carried this precipice since the day I was born. Eternally climbing up this downward struggle of submission. In certain situations I hesitate to do the right thing until it's too late. I regurgitate everything I am until there's nothing left. Deaf to the pain of the pounding in my head. Scorning Cain; I blame myself for what I've come to be. Allured by the dancing flames of celebrity. Cursing love & all it's vanity. I'm in search for more than sanity in a world of uncertainty. There's one thing that I've discovered, it's that depravity lingers upon the lips of all humanity.

Fiction & Contrition

Drowning in self-doubt. Locked within this bout without a a fist-full of hope. Soon everything will disappear, to never reappear again. Dear, are you so vain that you can't see past your own reality? Left standing between fiction & contrition humanity dies, succumbing to depravity & all its vanity.

Confused Inside

So confused inside. I feel as if a part of me has died. Slowly fading into the gray--the mundane. Sinking deeper in the violet surge of hopelessness & rage. Suffocating in this anti-Christ deluge of uncertainty & pride. Branded for eternity, left graveling for relief. I was cleverly deceived by the Thief & still I've choosen to discount everything that I have heard & seen.

What have I done?

Sitting wondering, pondering, asking questions--insurmountable questions of love & penitence; long suffering & grace. When I'm in this place, this room I call my sanctuary I try to fathom the face of God; I try to fathom the depth of God's love for all of humanity. I'm so undeserving of God's time, of God's hands. Still I wonder, what have I done that mimics Jesus Christ?

Demon Leer

An empty glass sits half-empty on the counter of regret. Urgent is this, this calling--screaming louder & louder as the days pass-by. Don't ask why, don't ask when, you need only to believe. When you come to God just believe & the rest will follow; but beware for in the shadows demons leer, forever stocking those called by God.

Memento

In the darkness of the night a creature stirs. Deep within the recesses of man's conscious depravity sleeps. Insecurity run's rampant as doubt lingers in the air. Beware young man, for what you become is of your own doing. Silently screaming in the deluge of fragility, swept away by the waves of timidity & fear. Remember in the darkness what you have learned in the light, for in time the brevity of life will pass you by, leaving nothing but a memento of your life behind.

Resonance Within The Blood

Trying to figure out the meaning behind the needing. Silently screaming, bleeding, trying to free myself from a world of illusion & endless confusion. Aggravation haunts me like lyrics to a bad pop song. Gestation comes & goes. Darkness ensues me, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my shattered dreams. Streams of madness flow through my veins. Invisible stains plague me in every dream. Hunger pangs come & go. So slow is this, the end of the world. There's a pounding in my head that won't go away. There's a craving in my spirit, there's a thirst inside my soul. Help me, I beg of you, help me overcome these feelings of uncertainty. Grant me some kind of peace inside my heart. My mind is fragmented beyond repair. Hear what I say, listen & understand: I need love, I need guidance, I long for intimacy, I yearn for adventure, I crave substance, I thirst for righteousness, I hunger for God's Word, I burn for God & only respond to the blood of his son.

11/1/2005

Trying to adequately convey myself using pen & paper. Trying to decipher the enigma that is Skyy. I don't understand myself most of the time, but I hope to uncover the heart of who I am by documenting how I feel--slowly revealing who I truly am & hope to be. Bare with me as I begin to excavate my soul, help me to better understand your will, help me to live righteously in your sight. Sometimes I'm overcome with guilt intertwined with grief, at other times I'm stricken with joy, yet locked within a silent struggle: battling anger & rage; bitterness & revenge; doubt & hate; fear & hypocrisy; jealousy & perversity; lust & pride. Giving way to all at times, some more than others & yet I have yet to conquer these feelings of inadequacy. Though I have fallen in defeat & despair I crawl on my hands & knees hoping, praying that you will grant me the strength to vanquish these tactics of the enemy. Free me from myself; for to live is Christ & to die is gain. To die over & over again just rid myself of these demons plaguing me would be most appreciated.

6/18/2002

Here in my secret place, the snow drifts softly down upon my face, where time & space cease to exist. I lift my hands in search of you. You are greater than the air I breathe, you are my everything. Here in my secret place both you & I spend time flying on the wings of angels.

8/31/2010

I see you in my dreams; I find you waiting--secretly you've been stalking me. Whispering desires into my ear, franticly fanning the fire. You come to me when I'm sleeping: kissing me, caressing me, lulling me into a false sense of security. When I look into the mirror I see you in the back of my mind, controlling me like a puppeteer. Knowing what buttons to push, knowing what strings to pull, everything I am is wicked--rotten right down to the core. Nothing but an ordinary man, enraptured in thoughts of debauchery & drunkenness. Laughing as I spiral down into the pit of youth & stupidity. Searching for some sense of clarity, passively watching as my life spirals out of control.

6/17/2002

Down, down, I fall down upon my knees in awe of you. My life giver, my inspiration & teacher. Down, down, down, I fall prostrate with my face buried in my hands weeping, for your love bares witness the grace of mercy. Though I am but mire I raise my hands to the sky, praying to one day be sight your wounded feet. Down, down, I fall down for you are everything I yearn to be. You are the only one I want to praise. You are more than deserving of my thanks. Lord I ask that you give me the strength to overcome this callous & crooked generation, full of men who only wish to gratify the desires of the flesh.

6/17/2002

What was once a fading dream, has since become a reality. For my iniquity it slowly trickles through my my veins. My savior has since cleansed me of my wrongdoings, and has bestowed upon my head the blessing of forgiveness & hope.

6/13/2002

As I search for truth I come to the realization that everything I am is made up of a sacrifice. Lord, you have my heart, you've led me onwards towards a brand new day. Allow me to become a daily sacrifice, sacrificing everything I am so that I can be used for a greater good.

5/29/2002

Stranded, abandoned, left here all alone. Shown again & again the sin that exists within. Across this vast & illusive sea of iniquity lies shattered pieces of me. Surfacing from time to time. Questions in you are the same questions in me. Hardening my heart to the voice of mercy--to the song of love.

5/28/2002

The secret place, your magnificent face. I yearn to be-sight your loving smile, your transcendental grace. Abba, I need you so. I need you more than the air I breathe. Abba, king of love, the most holy one of Israel--I yearn to be used by you.

5/28/2002

The secret place that exists within the soul lies hidden: unpolluted by the world & it's crooked ideology. History is more than just the past; history is what we're living, right here & now. Take a moment & look around you, set your gaze upon the hidden world that exists beyond the velvet curtain. Through & through slowly we become unglued, letting go of who we used to be. Standing at the edge of the sea, staring as the waves cascade over our feet; forever waiting there for the return of our souls. My heart it burns, secretly it yearns for the king above all kings.

5/28/2002

Tumbling down a darkened world. Stumbling as I try to make my way across the river of Despair. The air is thick with the perfume of confusion; this strange aggravation is chocking me, never allowing me to inhale the truth before me. Tumbling as I venture down the path less taken, stumbling as I try to stand firm in my convictions.