11/1/2005

Trying to adequately convey myself using pen & paper. Trying to decipher the enigma that is Skyy. I don't understand myself most of the time, but I hope to uncover the heart of who I am by documenting how I feel--slowly revealing who I truly am & hope to be. Bare with me as I begin to excavate my soul, help me to better understand your will, help me to live righteously in your sight. Sometimes I'm overcome with guilt intertwined with grief, at other times I'm stricken with joy, yet locked within a silent struggle: battling anger & rage; bitterness & revenge; doubt & hate; fear & hypocrisy; jealousy & perversity; lust & pride. Giving way to all at times, some more than others & yet I have yet to conquer these feelings of inadequacy. Though I have fallen in defeat & despair I crawl on my hands & knees hoping, praying that you will grant me the strength to vanquish these tactics of the enemy. Free me from myself; for to live is Christ & to die is gain. To die over & over again just rid myself of these demons plaguing me would be most appreciated.