Anxious Anticipation

Closing my eyes trying to silence all the noise buzzing in my ears. Staring at an empty white screen glaring in a darkened room. Transfixed on conjuring emotions I've long since ignored. I've forgotten how to feel, how to convey what my heart is saying. Praying to myself, talking myself up into a frenzy trying to think things through, trying to express myself as adequately as possible. Feeble minded at times, guilty of having more than my share of blonde moments from time to time. It seems like my head is constantly throbbing, never letting me concentrate on what I've overlooked. I've seemed to have lost my sense of humor, I've seemed to have lost my spark. I use to be so optimistic, full of hope; now all I seem to enjoy feeling is nothing at all. Lingering in thoughts of little relevance, holding my breath lest I exhale an ounce of my former self. Staring out the window, remembering days gone-by, childhood memories remain so dear I keep close to my heart. Before long I'm sure to fall apart if I cannot regain my spark somehow. When I look into the mirror my eyes appear so dim, like a light snuffed out. What my eyes convey is what my heart is feeling, numb & cold, I have yet to recapture the spirit I once had. Sitting in streets of elegance & riding in cars in haste I zoom by former days of glory to begin a new chapter in my life. Daydreaming with the sun on my face I pace myself before the rain begins. Waiting for the sun to go down, I'm anxious for the night to come & carry me off into the starlit sky full of wonder & new possibilities.