Languishing In Thoughts Abated

Trying to focus my ideas into a cohesive thought. Dreaming about a life I've never lived. Supposing if I were someone else while stumbling into myself. Tip-toeing along trying to find my footing. Setting a net in hopes of catching a rabbit or maybe a piece of myself that's gone astray. Staring at my hands as if waiting for them to transform into some kind of creature. Languishing in thoughts abated, leaving all I know defeated. Driving through the night I wonder: what if I never find the man of my dreams, what if I never conform to what everyone wants me to be? What's the worse that could happen if I take the road less traveled. I know well the consequences to my endeavors, though I never fear the outcome to my actions. Watching black & white movies in the afternoon, wishing I were Gregory Peck or the like. Craving the spotlight from time to time. Needing to fade into the background again & again, afraid of standing out for my true self is larger than life. Consuming everything around me I engorge myself in material things, only to find myself a thing in the end. Staring in the mirror of discontent, watching as my face puts on the mask of comedy & drama. Playing this game that modern people play; I hate living in a society that values appearance over substance. Finding myself conforming to everything I hate, when I sleep at night my thoughts turn from red to white. Sinking further from reality, I find myself writing thoughts with little relativity.